Sometimes I think love is a cheat.
Think about it. They meet, start dating, fall in love, get married. Seems simple enough at the surface. But what if we try and probe a little deeper?
The first date. I can't speak for guys, but I know girls will spend at least an hour obsessing over what to wear, how to do their hair, which shoes, and all that bullcrap. Especially if they think the guy's worth it. And during the date itself, they'll make an effort to be exactly the kind of person he wants so that they can be irresistible, or at least as close to that as is possible within the scope of one date. And I think this is true for the guys as well. In short, both of them will want to come off as the ideal girlfriend/boyfriend.
This will go on for many many dates. Once they're certain that the other is pretty close to falling in love with them, they'll let their true colors show, roaming around in sweatpants and a dirty tee, not bothering about the hair or make-up, and putting their characteristic faults and defects on display for the other to see. The world sees this as 'being comfortable with each other' and 'getting to know one another.' But is it really?
Let's see this from my perspective now. Once this side of their character comes out, the other person in the relationship is in so deep there's no way he can get out now. So he convinces himself that it's 'love.' And that love for another person encompasses love for their defects, their faults. That to love another is to love them as a whole, love the good stuff AND the bad stuff. I guess we can thank popular culture for that one.
And so the poor fool deludes himself into believing that he is falling in love with the other. Some more time later, and he is in too deep, so 'in love' with the other person that he won't end the relationship even if almost everything about the other person irks him to death.
Love has played a game on him. And now he's falling into the abyss.
10 comments:
Agreed. But this scenario is valid for only like your 1st few relationships.
After a point, you learn the game a lil, you take things slow, and leave yourself some wiggle room almost always. After a point, you know if and when to bail.
Honest. :P
Agreed.
"Love drug" isn't just the name of a song - the neurochemical reaction induced by love is really the same as that induced by drugs. Addiction.
And relationships != love, anyhow. I mean, love is usually the term they use to refer to that always-on-cloud-9 writing-ballads-to-eyebrows I-wish-I-were-the-ground-he/she-walked-on kind of feeling.
Dating, well, there's always an ulterior motive. I'm not saying love and dates don't coexist, just that they're not causally linked.
Your premise is that one CAN succesfully fool the other into thinking that s/he is everything that the other wants.
I doubt someone can carry it off for too long.
Your other premise is that the date is the very first meeting. Unless it is a blind date, wouldn't you go one a date IF you liked the person when you met him/her first? Which is when they weren't in the impressing you mode.
Or so I believe. :P
I get the strange feeling I've read this before. Did you post/write it somewhere else? :S
@Sam: All I can say is I hope you're right.
@Nyx: Yes but normally dates lead to love, do they not? Or so society would have us believe at least.
@Espera: But that's precisely my point. After a certain amount of time it becomes unnecessary to appear appealing to the other person, because he's already fallen for what you appeared before, that is, the ideal other half.
As for your other premise, think about it this way. The person WOULD be in the impressing mode even the first time they meet, because the initial attraction is almost always majorly physical. So once you've taken a look, you make a partially subconscious decision to try and flirt. You can't make much of the character out in the first meeting anyway, it doesn't last very long. And even if you did, the fact that you agreed to date means you liked what you saw and that automatically brings you to trying-to-impress-the-other-mode.
@Sahil: Only at the back of my notebook in HLCD class when I was getting ultra-bored and the thought struck me. =P
Hehe, u were right, dint help me in any way! :P
But, im stuck unto the love-bug a lil more now! :)
Haha toldja it wouldn't =D
I don't know about dates leading to love. They're supposed to be more a simulation of how it would be if you were in love. If you can't stand it after a few dates, you call it off. And if the other person knew you COULD call it off at any time, they'd never sit back and put their smelly socks up. Throughout the relationship.
Though, yeah. I agree the only reason you'd agree to go on a date would be if you WANTED to be in love, were just looking for an excuse to be in love and the other person would hand that to you through their impress-mode.
Doesn't it go like: crush...like...love?
You start dating somewhere between the first two or the last two, right?
And the thing is that everyone knows their partner can break it off anytime. It's there at the back of your head. But once you get comfortable, cosy in the relationship, you start taking the other person for granted a little bit. You figure it's going to last and you start getting complacent.
At least that's the way I see it :)
A nice point, but very true. I agree with what you have written and have experience of it.
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