How to Make Your Third Semester in Law School Highly Eventful

1. Get into trouble with the authorities 3 days into college because a friend exhibits very clearly drunk behavior on campus. Essential Elements: Show Cause Notice, submission of a written explanation to the Registrar, and many nail biting and anxious moments wondering whether you will be subjected to a full fledged Proctorial hearing, as cool and akin to Harry Potter's hearing before the full Wizengamot in the 5th book it may sound.

2. Get elected into the MCC.
3. Help organize your first moot ever, which turns out to be rigged by the head organizers in a disgusting attempt to show Indo-Pak friendship. (Also, hope you don't get into trouble for blogging about it.)

4. Help organize a big level international moot, which thankfully goes well.
5. MAJORLY screw up your end sem exams which account for FIFTY per cent of your grade, on account of previous point.

6. Try weed for the first time.
7. Smoke up with people you met a couple of days before.
8. Participate in a moot with awesome people. Go to semi finals and win Best Researcher.
9. Reveal dirty truths about your past to your closest friends.
10. Taxi.
11. Break hearts. (S, I'm sure you'll appreciate this).
12. Get unabashedly hit on by someone you just met.
13. Show up drunk to a judge's doorstep to pick them up.
14. Accuse above of sinful activities while in a state of inebriation.
15. Show up drunk to an interview for a big level internship.
16. Land above anyway.
17. Discover how awesome it is to roam around campus in the dead of night and in the freezing cold.
18. "Work" outside of the hostel until 4 am.
19. Don't sleep properly for 2-3 weeks at a stretch, because you're JUST that busy.
20. Live.

Life is a Eunuch

Hoes, we got a theory for y'all. Life ain'tno bitch. No no. She is a very well formed eunuch. She got the dick, she got no balls. Ever heard the saying, life fucked you over? How do you think that's possible if the bitch has a vagina?!

THEORY:

We put our highly enlightened (and one slightly inebriated) minds together, and decided that it is not possible to fuck without a dick. Now everyone will agree, that life, for good or bad, is hot, coz everyone wants to get with life. I ain't met nobody who wants to die before they're forty. Everyone bitches about life being a bitch, sure. But no one realizes that that bitch got a cock. Why do you think women have two holes? Or why do you think even men have holes?! Because life can buttfuck us, homies. It ain't for any excretionary purposes.

Now see. When life gets all dressed up, she's so damn fucken hot. You really want to get with her. You so want her. But then when she takes that little skirt off, you see the real deal, and it ain't pretty, my friend.

Instead of pubic hair, she's got multiple cocks. To fuck multiple people over. When she says bend, oh boy, do we bend.

This is not emo. We're VERY happy while writing this. We just thought all you people out there should change the proverb from 'life is a bitch' to 'life is a eunuch'.

Please, don't be offended. For those of us who HAVE been fucked, y'all will know EXACTLY what I'm talking about, and how LONG that dick is. And for those of you who don't, dontcha worry. Life's a whore. She wants to get with all of us.

Closer

You can have my isolation.
You can have the hate that it brings.

You can have my absence of faith.
You can have my everything.

Unfinished Sentences

Feelings. Emotions. Too much in head.

Uneasiness. Queasiness. Simple boredom? Maybe. I think not.

Same old routine. Meet a new person. Get too attached. World does NOT revolve around ANY single person. Reminders to no effect. The heart wants what the heart wants. The mind thinks what the mind thinks. Obsession. Infatuation. Every action. Commanded by him. Always, at the back of my mind.

Shiny new object of affection. Unexplored, untouched. Boundless possibilities.

Time. Boredom. Nonchalance. Indifference. Too much effort for sustenance. Who gives a shit anymore? Unrequited love. Sour grapes. Commitment issues. Phobia. Of the future. Of the present. Of the fucking past.

Tapped personalities. Untapped personalities. Remaining untapped because I couldn’t care less. Fading away.

Pain. Hurt. Anguish. Don’t want this. Can’t help it. Wish I could.

Boredom.

Void. Filling? Substances. Contraband. Can’t get out. Of my head. Of this place. Stuck inside, knocking against the edges. Hurting. Need to take mind off. Sufficient distraction. Seemingly impossible. Contraband. Contraband. Revert to contraband. Houston, we have a problem.

Emergency. Trouble. Parents. Fuck it. High. Happy. Sway. Live. Peace.

Contented. After all this time.

Finally.

The Telltale Heart

She used to wear her heart on her sleeve. It was open, it was free.
It was vulnerable.
It was prone to damage from inclement emotional weather. From without, from within. So it got hurt. It got hurt repeatedly. It was stabbed again and again, over a period of years, brutally almost. Like a bad murder movie scene. By the end of all that time, the heart had nothing but knife wounds all over. Every time it was stabbed, it had spurted thick, dark, red blood. So much of its blood was gone now.

It had retreated. It was scared now. It was a basic instinct to step back and distance oneself when one got hurt repeatedly. And so the heart had retreated into her chest. And it had become blacker, drier, more shriveled. Almost as if it were descending into old age. It had lost its youth, its vitality. She was only twenty five. It had closed up whatever was left of its soft, mushy insides, within a hard outer wall. It was more cynical now, harder. And wary. Wary of more hurt. And it would not let itself get hurt any more.

She wondered if it would open up again.


P.S. Extra points to those who understand the connection of the title with popular culture.

He's not the Messiah. He's a very naughty boy!

Alcohol

Beer spread through Europe thanks to Germany. If you've ever been there, you'd know that their women drink with a certain sense of dignity. Their men of course, know exactly how to appreciate alcohol. The problem seems to be though, that the rest of the world seems to have forgotten how to.

If you've ever roamed the streets of London at about 3 or 4 am on a Saturday morning (not that it's something I'd ever advise to you do), you'd see what I'm talking about. You'd see women puking, pissing on the road and just generally exhibiting behavior which drastically lowers any sense of dignity they might have had before. Fortunately for them, this is something they won't remember the next morning. All I'm saying is, women have an intrinsic charm to them as a gender. It's a pity to see it vanish completely simply because they've had just about three shots of whiskey.

I'm not trying to make sweeping stereotypes about anything. It's just very bothersome to me the way certain people react to alcohol. Women have a much lower capacity for alcohol than men, and I don't blame them for that. It's a purely biological thing. But somehow, they have a tendency to react rather drastically to liquor. They break down, start crying and usually get rather emotional. There are of course exceptions. But generally, women have a tendency to publicly humiliate themselves when they consume liquor. Men on the other hand, tend to get happy, and if anything even more fun, when they get tipsy or drunk. Which is why males always make for much better drinking buddies than females.

I remember telling a couple of guys I was sharing beer with about a month back at Cafe Oz (decent place; check it out) that I always feel so much safer when I'm drinking with guys than with girls. Thankfully it was just me and them, because I wouldn't like to say that to any woman's face, even if both I and she knew fully well she deserved it. But this is part of the reason I prefer hanging out with guys. If I'm forced to spoil my experience of drinking repeatedly by having to handle women who can't handle themselves and are puking and making out with each other simply because they think consumption of alcohol is a reasonable excuse to do so, I'd much rather not hang out with them in the first place.

I'm not saying I don't do it occasionally. Sure, I like that a glass of good Scotch lets me do or say things I wouldn't normally do or say, or that it lets me let go of my inhibitions. All I'm saying is, I don't drink that glass because of it. And therein lies the difference.

Need. Alcohol. Now.

It all comes sweeping back. The memories. The visions. The words that were said. And those that weren't. The feelings in my head.

All together now. All in that one single moment. A plethora of emotions, recollections. Like a giant wave suddenly rushing into the sides of my brain, crashing and churning. Like a surge of liquid insistently calling attention to itself. Wanting, trying, to envelop me...to drown me.

And the bottle holds it all.

Guilt. Guilt. Guilt.

'Guilt alone, like brain-sick frenzy in its feverish mood, fills the light air with visionary terrors, and shapeless forms of fear.'

P.S. I've recently learnt that I suck at writing pornography. Another alternative career gone out the window. Ah well.

That Time of the Year Again

Yep. I think the time has come to give all my readers a virtual introduction to my whimsical, eccentric and simply rather weird teachers for this semester. It's been a while since the semester began, but in lieu of anything else to write about, here goes.

1. Contract

I honestly don't know how to describe this dude. I used to absolutely loathe him, seeing as how he's so old and teaches in a completely soporific manner, not to mention that he's rather sharp and cutting, and also slightly intimidating. But I slowly realized there's more to him. He's actually rather chilled out. Up till last year he used to be our Proctor, and man, what I wouldn't do for him to remain in that position (The semester began rather ominously with me getting into major trouble with the college authorities for...certain events involving alcohol, and for some reason the situation just escalated completely out of hand. That's a story for another time. All I'm saying is, I have a strong suspicion it wouldn't have had he remained Proctor.) He teaches well if you can manage to listen. However, he is rather sexist and has some sort of irrational fear of lesbians which acts up at the slightest female-female touching/hugging he sees. Also, you can frequently hear him discussing in class things like how marriage should not hamper one's sex life, how he went out to buy his girlfriend lingerie but then she got skin cooties (he was trying to explain the Sale of Goods Act), what is love, and once he even mentioned 'pole models'. So you see what I mean when I say he's an old, chilled out dude.

2. Fam Law

She speaks very possibly the worst English I've ever heard in my life. I think the part of her brain that is supposed to regulate grammar is either missing or has suffered some major trauma in the past. One of my close friends says I'm always very agitated in her class, and I'm quite sure this is the reason. She also gets irrationally angry from time to time. Apart from the fact that I can barely tolerate listening to her ruining the English language, her subject itself is pretty amusing. It derives mainly from religion, hence the giggles.

3. CrPC

By far the most intriguing, amusing and slightly disturbing character of this year's faculty. Looks EXACTLY like a rapist, especially with his glasses off. Also has a tendency to laugh heartily while talking about things like rape, murder or other gruesome things (teaches criminal procedure). It's hard to know what to do but laugh with him. Has a reputation for showing unnatural interest in certain girls if they catch his attention a little more than normal, if you know what I mean. Has a great aversion to giving marks and likes failing people. Rather creepy to look at. In fact, and I think this is an accurate and succinct description, one of my friends said that his face belongs on a poster captioned 'wanted for rape.'

4. Eco

Refer Chief Warden bit (though she is no longer our Chief Warden) here. Actively involved in a live-in relationship with Mr. Contract above. Ironic much?

5. Socio

I like her, frankly. She's one of our wardens and though in first year (refer above link) I didn't particularly like her, she's definitely gained a lot of respect since the whole incident with alcohol happened at the beginning of the semester. She was on our side throughout and I'm pretty sure had we just told her the truth, the incident would never have even been heard of by any higher authorities. What she was most regretful about was the fact that we didn't just come straight out with the truth because she certainly feels a primary duty towards taking care of us. But again, that's a story for another post. Decent teacher. Knows all our names and fun to interact with in class, though just the right amount.

That's about it. Weird lot, don'tcha think? =P

(An Attempt at) A Normal, Non-Emo Blog Post

The past month happened to be rather an eventful one. I have found inside of me a newly acquired propensity to be COMPLETELY disinclined to attending class, I have seen a few more movies (to which we shall come in due course of time), I have gotten a prize with absolutely no prize money whatsoever (very useful, that) and I have found out that due to leaving my hair down almost all the time, I now am victim to a disease of sorts wherein my head starts to hurt if I tie my hair up for too long. While these might be mundane details to you, my dear, cherished reader, to me, these are the little tids and bits of everyday life that keep me trudging along the sometimes dreary and sometimes rather topsy-turvy hill that they call my life.

The first batch of tests for this semester had the gall to ruin my life about three weeks back, bringing with them fresh experiences from the darkest pits of hell. When reminded of their existence, I made an effort to study for a bit after giving up completely and inevitably screwing up majorly the next morning. By the end of that week I was so disheveled that I was near to the state of walking into walls and staring dazedly into nothing whatsoever. Not from the continuous studying, you understand, but simply from the certain sensation in the heart of my stomach of having disastrously messed up my first terms to what I was sure were to be dire consequences. At about this exact time, I was also struck with a rather persistent cold which made my nostrils spew like the Niagara Falls. Missing class seemed only natural, and ever since then I have not been able to get myself to resign to the necessity of attendance as much as I used to.

I also have new music from a variety of different sources, mainly S. S's songs have a tendency to grow on me, thus brightening up my life but gradually and only eventually. Sort of like well matured wine.

As for the movies. I finally got around to watching Delhi Belly, albeit rather belatedly. For me this exceeded expectations because I had never planned to watch it in the first place. Either way, excellent movie and very well made. Please do get your hands on it if you haven't already. I also saw That Girl in Yellow Boots. A decent watch but frankly not brilliant stuff and to me for some reason, rather predictable. And today I went and saw Saheb Biwi Aur Gangster, which was also quite a well made film and should be watched by anyone who has a little bit of time on their hands. It has its basic flaws but these are few and far between and I found that its...boisterousness and kitsch rather make up for any shortcomings.

College has declared a rather long holiday and today is my first day back home. The prospect of having not much to do over the next week or so is making me rather happy at the moment. Even more so, the thought of falling asleep to good music. Ah, the little things in life.

Sad Song

Sing a sad song in a lonely place,

try to put a word in for me.

It's been so long since I found this place,

you better put in two or three.

We as people are just walkin' 'round,

our heads are firmly fixed in the ground.

What we don't see, well it can't be real.

What we don't touch we cannot feel.

Where we're living in this town,

the Sun is coming up and it's going down,

but it's all just the same at the end of the day.

And we cheat, and we lie.

Nobody says it's wrong and we don't ask why.

And it's all just the same at the end of the day.

We're throwing it all away,

at the end of the day.

Questions

They say you should never trust anyone. They say you walk the path of life alone. They say no one is truly your well wisher. But then they say you should always have a confidante, a best friend. They say you should share your feelings and not be bottled up inside.

How is one supposed to reconcile the two? People blame me for being cagey, for not spitting out what I’m thinking, for not talking about my “feelings”. But how am I supposed to do that when every time I do, someone lets me down? That’s the thing about people isn’t it? People. They will always let you down.

Let’s be logical here. Once you have something called a best friend, you start having certain expectations of them. And then, inevitably, a time comes, when they’re tested. Tested on the threshold of friendship. And they let you down. Always.

And once that happens, people say you should have known. They say you acted foolishly. They say you’re naive, and immature, and have no knowledge of how the world works.

So is this what the world has come down to? Really, is it?

People. They will always let you down.

Italy 2011 - Part 5

Update: Bleh.
Update2: I swear it stops here.

Gondola Ride! Venezia

Duomo, Milano (Milan)

Teatro alla Scala (The Scala Opera House), Milano

Castello Sforzesco (yes! Finally got the name right), Milano

Santa Maria delle Grazie, Piazza Santa Maria delle Grazie, Milano. This is the rather small and unassuming church which houses the original da Vinci fresco, The Last Supper (Cenacolo Vinciano). Tickets to see it are booked MONTHS in advance though, so we lost our chance. Nevertheless, it was thrilling knowing we're standing so close to history. Next time round.

Italy 2011 - Part 4

Update: You know what to do.

Ponte Vechhio, the only bridge in Florence with shops, imitating a typical Venetian bridge. Located over Florence's solitary river, Arno.

Sculpture of Niccolo Machiavelli, Uffizi Gallery, a public open air gallery with sculptures of some of history's most illustrious people, including Galileo Galilei, Donatello, Leonardo da Vinci, Michelangelo Buonarroti (of course), Dante Alighieri and Giotti. Firenze (Florence)

Palazzo Vechhio, Firenze

Duomo, Firenze

Bell Tower, Duomo, Firenze

View of the cathedral and the rest of Florence from Piazzale Michelangelo

Basilica San Marco (St. Mark's Basilica), Venezia (Venice)

Basilica San Marco as viewed from its water bus stop, Venezia

Piazza San Marco, Venezia

Bell Tower, Basilica San Marco, Venezia

Piazza San Marco, Venezia

Basilica San Marco, Venezia

Italy 2011 - Part 3

Update: You know the drill.

Piazza Spagna (Spanish Steps), Roma (Rome)

Fontana di Trevi (Trevi Fountain), Piazza Fontana di Trevi, Roma

Piazza Venezzia, Roma

Pantheon, Piazza della Rotonda, Roma

Piazza Navona, Roma

Basilica San Pietro (St. Peter's Basilica)

Piazza San Pietro (St. Peter's Square, as viewed from in front of the Basilica)

Piazza del Campidoglio (Capitoline Hill), Roma

Torre Pendente (Leaning Tower), Pisa

Italy 2011 - Part 2

Update: Same as last time.

Entrance to the Musei Vaticani (Vatican Museum)

Statue of God Anubis, Musei Gregorio Egizio (Egyptian Antiquities), Musei Vaticani

Sarcophagus. Greek hero Achilles stabbing a goddess (center). The legend goes that he fell in love with her at the exact moment he dealt the mortal blow. In both their eyes can be seen a surge of both love and death. Achilles’s front arm supports her as she falls, and the other arm behind is imagined to be operating the knife. Musei Vaticani

In the Galleria della Arrazzi, Musei Vaticani. On the right, a bronze life-sized sculpture of the god Hercules

Frescoed ceiling of the Galleria delles Cartes Geografiches, Musei Vaticani

Depiction of the disputation of truth and the subsequent realization of the actual truth in the form of religion, Stanze di Raffaello (Raphael Rooms), Musei Vaticani. Raphael was commissioned to paint these rooms for the Pope residing there at the time.

In the Apartement de Borgia, Musei Vaticani. Here resided a relatively recent Pope, Borgia.

Contemporary rendition of La Pieta on stained glass, Collection of Contemporary Art, Musei Vaticani

Our room. I realize this is not exactly a tourist spot, but I just had to put this up because it was so brilliant. So if you're ever in Rome, look up a small accommodation called Alma de Roma, near the Stazione Termini, especially if you're on a tight budget and looking for a modest but comfortable place and especially one where everyone is so helpful and the atmosphere is so congenial. I know I did. =D

Italy 2011 - Part 1

Update: I realized after posting this that the photos might be too small, and posting them again in large format is just too cumbersome for 2:30 am in the morning. However, just clicking on them will lead you to a rather enlarged and (usually) infinitely more beautiful format. So, you know, just in case...you want to...

Cheers.

Napoli (Naples)

Capri

Capri's small main square, also locally known as La Piazzetta

La Cassa di Rosa (The Red House), Anacapri

Faraglioni, Capri

Beach, Capri

Duomo di Napoli (The Cathedral of Naples)

Colosseo (I don't really think you need the translation for this one.)

Mom and me sharing a moment at the back of the Colosseum

View of the Colosseum, Roman Forum and Palatine Hill from Piazza del Campidoglio (Capitoline Hill)

Fora di Romano (Roman Forum)

Shaitan

I had thought Indian cinema was really going places with movies like Ishqiya and Dev D, but those pale in comparison to this. Anurag Kashyap may well be the Quentin Tarantino of Bollywood. Mind you, he's not Tarantino, but he's the torch bearer which is taking the industry forward. This one is WAY ahead of its time.

Immense attention is given to detail, the soundtrack was something I instantly downloaded, and each scene - EACH friggin scene - is so visually appealing. Never has a Hindi movie come so close to portraying today's youth so accurately and so shamelessly. The first part which shows the habits and lifestyle of the five youngsters living in Mumbai, each scene of that was something I could relate to. It dishes out the dirt that lingers among a particular portion of twenty-somethings living in India's metropolises today and their deviations from the straight path of life they are taught to keep on. And the camera work and stylistic concepts can truly be said to be art.

But it really doesn't matter what I say, does it? You WILL go watch it. =P

What I'm Actually Doing at Law School

1. 127 Hours: I'd been putting off watching it because the thought of watching one guy on camera for one and a half hours, albeit a guy stuck between 2 cliffs with his hand lodged behind a giant rock, struck me as having the possibility of being highly boring. I couldn't have been more wrong. Riveting movie. WATCH IT.

2. Black Swan: Pure genius. Darren Aronofsky shows his brilliance once again. Had it been up to me, I would easily have given this Best Picture Oscar. DO NOT MISS IT, unless you have a weak mind. There were times when I actually physically flinched.

3. True Grit: Slightly boring in parts but still worth a watch. Hailee Steinfeld, Matt Damon and Jeff Bridges shine in their performances.

4. The Social Network: Fast-paced and completely engrossing movie, simply excellent soundtrack and brilliant acting.

5. The King's Speech: Slow, which might be mistaken as boring for some. But period dramas require a slow pace. Colin Firth truly deserves Best Actor. Geoffrey Rush and Helena Bonham Carter should have gotten Best Supporting, if you ask me. Excellent movie.

5. The Kids Are Alright: Good movie. Watch it if you can get your hands on it. Excellent performance by Annette Bening.

6. The Fighter: Excellent. Melissa Leo and Christian Bale shine. Mark Wahlberg in his element.

7. Happythankyoumoreplease: Josh Radnor's directorial and acting debut. Not bad.

8. Hot Fuzz: Lots of guns. Plus guys with English accents. What more could I ask for?

9. Ishqiya: Excellent. If Indian cinema takes a cue from this movie and follows its direction, I would be a much happier person.

10. Once: Little known movie. Irish man, Czech woman. Please try to get a hold of it and watch it. And once you're done, download the soundtrack.

11. Pineapple Express: Laughed out loud countless number of times in this movie. Typical Seth Rogen-James Franco flick. Watch it.

12. Rec: Spanish horror film. Do not make the same mistake I did and watch it alone at night.

13. Stranger than Fiction: Saw it recently for the second time. Obscure Emma Thomas-Will Ferell movie. Also stars Dustin Hoffman and Queen Latifah. PLEASE watch it. Excellent plotline, amazing execution.

14. The Butterfly Effect: Nice idea but I didn't think they carried it out as well as they could have. Watch it though, if only for the pop culture value.

Because

Because the imprint of her lips stayed in his head.

Because he loved pushing back her curtain of hair while talking to her.

Because she could roll a joint more perfect than any of the guys.

Because of that look on her face when she inhaled.

Because he couldn’t get the smell of her out of his senses.

Because she could lose herself so completely in the music.

Because she looked to the darkness to cover her tears.

Because of how her kohl always smudged below her eyes.

Because he always wanted her head on HIS shoulder.

Because behind that smile, there was a broken girl he was itching to mend.

I Really Don't Know What to Title This

Remember how the zodiac signs changed recently? I found a document on my laptop which I had written around that time. Just ratted out whatever was on my mind, no editing, no revising. I found it again while randomly going through my laptop when I was getting bored, and it made for...an interesting read. I'm reproducing it here, with no changes whatsoever. Here goes.

Apparently due to some shift in the Earth’s position shit, a thirteenth sign called Ophiuchus or some such has been added and every sign’s dates have been changed. I’ve turned from a Gemini to a Taurus overnight. It just feels a little weird but apart from that I don’t really get affected by these things. I don’t think I believe in these things. Apparently the only reason that the number of signs initially was 12 was because Ptolemy was a very geometrical man and didn’t think 13 was a very symmetrical number. And according to Hindu astrology, we are all unique and cannot be clubbed together into any “signs.” We’re all free agents and because there are an infinite number of variations of the Earth’s position with respect to the Sun and the moon, we’re unique. Each and every one of us. I read Swami Vivekananda’s Chicago addresses, I found his speeches at the World Parliament of Religions in 1893 on WikiSource and read them all. It was actually pretty nice. He was talking about religious tolerance and universality and Buddhism and other religions. His main thing though was a long paper he presented on Hinduism there, like the seminars that happen at our college through which most of us sleep. It was amazing though, in the sense that it didn’t talk about Gods or Godesses, barely took any names. It was so philosophical. It enmeshed religion, science and philosophy all at the same time. It talked about how as opposed to Christianity where people are sinners, Hindus believe that each being is divine and has the God within him. And how the ultimate goal is to realise this God and stop tying down your soul to matter. How the soul is eternal, simply jumping from centre to centre or body to body when one dies. How God was eternal and creation was eternal, even providing a scientific explanation for it. How idolatry was simply the common man’s effort to reach this ultimate goal, his path to higher knowledge and wisdom. It was pretty interesting actually. Who knew I would ever be interested in spirituality and God?!

I think there’s a clear line of difference between religion and spirituality, and a very distinct one at that. I don’t think I’m a big fan of religion. Someone once told me that temples are filled with pretentious people. Some people go to the temple because they truly want to pray but some go because they want to show that they pray. I think that's true. Anyway I don’t like the idea of different religions with different Gods and different beliefs. I think there is a God, yes. I’m not atheistic or even agnostic, contrary to what my Facebook page says. I should change that actually. But I don’t know what the technical term for it is. S put it very succinctly once when I asked her if she believed in God, “I believe in God but I don’t believe in religion.”

I used to be agnostic, hence the Facebook status. But I think I started believing in God because of my NLUD entrance result. To get me in after 2-3 days of study was a miracle. It may be cheesy, but that is my belief. And I don’t pretend to be deep or spiritual or in touch with that side of me, if there is one, but I have a few measly beliefs and hopefully I will stick to them.

I think there’s someone up there who’s looking at all of us. And I think it’s very simple to be “good” in life. I think there are some basic principles which one must obey to be “good.” Simple things, you know, as long as you’re essentially a good person. Sweet speech, respect for those who deserve it, love to your parents and family and so on. That’s why I honestly don’t see anything wrong in premarital sex or homosexuality. It’s just an alternate life choice; it’s simply an expression of love, whether it be love with the opposite sex, love with the same sex or love with animals. Although with bestiality, the whole animal rights issue comes into play so I’m not very clear on that. But after all, wouldn’t one rather see an expression of love than guns and war? The more the love, the better the world. And I’m proud to believe that, however gay it may sound. =P

I don’t know about the afterlife. I don’t know if you go to heaven if you’re “good” in this life or not, but somehow I think it’s important to be “good.” I’m not “good” by my own standards, what with all the foul language and all. But I like to think that I’m essentially a good person, even if that’s only about 75% true.

I don’t like the idea of different religions because too often it leads to conflict. I think spirituality is different. It’s more like, getting to know yourself and trying to be in touch with your inner true self. Getting to know your soul and trying to rise above the everyday, the routine, the worldly. You know, achieving that higher knowledge. Swami Vivekananda says that each one of us has the capability to get in touch with God. Like, actually, get in touch. Hear his voice et al. Because that is the ultimate end. And we also have the capability to realise what our past life was like. If only we let go of matter, if only our soul stops being tied down to the physical, the worldly. I’d like to believe that. It would be awesome if I could hear what God was saying to me. I think that is spirituality. Trying to realise the divine within you. Maybe that IS the core of religion, in particular, Hinduism. To Swami Vivekananda it certainly seemed to be. But to me religion has always implied stories and Gods and idols and rosaries and material things. Swami Vivekananda says these are simply aids to the ultimate divine realisation. But how can you get in touch with yourself by using these things? Religion somehow has always seemed...crude, to me. Layman. Crass.

P.S. The credit for making me think about such things and put them down in writing goes partially to one very good friend, who doesn't read my blog as far as I know, but I'd like to acknowledge him here nonetheless. I would never have got around to penning this down or reading those speeches if it weren't for him, and now I'm glad I did.

Update: Just in case you're interested, click here for the speeches.

Main tumhri daasi, janam ki pyaasi

Tum hi ho mera shringar preetam.

Tumhare raste ki dhool le kar

Main maang apni sada bharungi,

Sada bharungi.

What Went Before

I remember how it started. I had dozed off on my bed, under my all-too-comfortable blanket, surrounded by thick Physics textbooks from which I was supposed to be solving Rotation problems (suckiest Physics topic ever btw). I had slept through the dawn of the year, woken some 40 minutes later, only to realize I had missed the advent of 2010. The arrival of the "most crucial year of my life." The one that would make me or break me. 2010 was to be the proverbial 'it'.

The second thought that popped into my mind was, "FUCK. How am I ever gonna finish Rotation by 4 am now?"

I still remember.

2010 had found me completely disheveled, not only hair-wise, but also life-wise. There were tests at my Pre-Med coaching center almost everyday, and the Boards were fast approaching. I wasn't doing too well on either count. The Boards I just didn't care about. But the worst part was that for my coaching, I knew I could have done extremely well. If only I had just had the inclination to.

My Pre Boards weren't too great, if I remember correctly. Just about decent. The practicals of course, were nothing but cheating and fraudies, especially when it came to Physics. I remember I had the simplest electricity experiment, something about simple diodes and p-n junctions, but me being me, I had no idea what to connect where and how to differentiate between the connections for the red and black wires. I had hurriedly written down the correct observations that I had memorized beforehand from a friend's file and disconnected the apparatus before the examiner came around to check. "Sir, I was in a hurry to move on to the next experiment," accompanied by an innocent face. Worked wonders.

Of course, close to full marks were guaranteed to almost all the students by our internal teachers as far as the practicals were concerned.

Then came the Boards. I went through them somehow and they didn't go as well as I would have wanted them to. But CBSE people are very lenient markers and I ended up with a percentage much higher than I was expecting (91), and though it wasn't a great one or anything, I was more than satisfied.

The entrance exam period seemed to stretch on forever. I was basically tied down until about the middle of June since for Pre-Med kids there are so many different tests to take. Not to mention the fact that I wasn't at all certain about what I wanted to do in life, all of 18 years old, so I took tests for 5 different fields. Most of them were decent but I got a breakthrough with NLUD. I saw the result around the middle of May and since that day I almost stopped studying, even though the subsequent Pre-Meds were supposed to be my main focus. But I was pretty happy with NLUD.

College has passed by in a whoosh. However much we moan about how much college sucks and how we have no freedom, I for one, am pretty happy where I am. Mainly because of the people. The people were the one reason I was completely against MBBS, and it's really paid off. It gives me supreme satisfaction when now at college I'm talking and people around me actually know and relate to whatever the hell it is I happen to be bullshitting about at that moment. All in all, it's been a great semester and I couldn't have asked for better.

So here's wishing goodbye to 2010. It definitely wasn't one of the best years of my life and I'm glad it's over, but it was probably the one that has brought on the most transition and change for me (yet), and I'm just happy that the change was a good one.

Scratch that. An awesome one.

P.S. Happy New Year everyone.

P.P.S. This one's for you, Nidhi Chikkerur. =D